Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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