Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
