well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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