and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
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she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
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I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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