I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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