found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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