My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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