I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I am morally bankrupt
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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