Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize