sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
