Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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