it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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