Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
