thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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