im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
