birth control should be required to get into college
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
