I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
