Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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