Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
