I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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