I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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