The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
