On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
