Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
