i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
