Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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