I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
