ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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