i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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