This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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