I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize