piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she was so not down for the gang bang
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
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Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.