I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.