why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.