A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.