I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?