I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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