I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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