I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can I color on your dick again?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
