do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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