I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
