Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
