my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
