Please, let me fuck your mom
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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