found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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