his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
