My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
