No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
