I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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