worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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