I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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