And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
