oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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