so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
