omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize