i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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