Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize