I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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