the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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