just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
