its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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