Rock
Scissors
Fuck
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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