Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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