the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
