I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
