All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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