I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
