True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
