You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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