I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
