He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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