The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
