Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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