hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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