How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
