Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
