Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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