god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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