New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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