I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
