3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
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Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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