I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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