He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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