I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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