when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
