apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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