if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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